Dear beautiful strangers,
i just finished crying..
the exam, the presentation went terrible..
i got grilled like a roasted chicken in the oven..
at one point, i really wanted to leave the room, i really did..
i never liked surgery, but i thought i could fake it!
but No, i hate it even more now.
everytime i think about what happened today, i would be tearful,
i just got back from beanscene, having hot choc with liaa and anthony.
guys.. i wanna cry. i cannot stand this anymore,
i cant stand this stress anymore.
i cant stand being evaluated, assessed, deliberated like this again n again,
i'm so tired being in this tormenting medical field...
i have done so much work these past weeks.
it didnt pay off, at all
i dont want to mention what exactly happened,
coz it would hurt even more..
i'm crying now.. i cant stand this pain anymore..
the pain being criticized publicly, due to my lack of knowledge,
i was embarrassed
i was humiliated
it couldnt get any worse
even my fainting incident was brought up during the deliberation
i found that really unfair
i didnt choose that to happen
i was not like, 'lets just pass out today, and make this surgery more fun!'
what the f*ck? what the f*ck? what the f*ck?
this mark will be brought forward to my finals!
i just dont wanna think about the consequences.
people told me it was not a big thing- as it would only cost me 1%
but i'm talking about my pride, my dignity, my ego
they were all gone today
..away with all my tears..
this never happened to me before
you know.. i just realized, 'not performing well' in exams is really really painful
i could barely stand this..
..oh no. one more thing guys. do you remember rob*rt?
if you dont, read my previous post 'being flirty'
i ran into him on the way back from beanscene...
i couldnt handle my sorrow that well, i was then becoming so tearful in front of him,
he hugged me, it was warm and nice,
until i realized, i didnt really know that guy,
what was i doing?
he later suggested to have lunch with me sometime,
i dont know if i should go...
but that doesnt matter
that doesnt matter to me at all now..
i have even more painful thing in my head at this moment..
the stress of being in medical field could eventually kill me,
i'm sure it will...
2 years ago