Sunday, 3 August 2008

a therapeutic evening, knowing 'life is beautiful'

..a dream-catcher...

Dear beautiful strangers,
...some might be wondering what i had been doing to recover from a downfall of emotions immediately on thursday after i got back from the hospital..
..i was upset,, obviously. that was when i updated my diary with 'one litre of tears'. i was in fact very tearful at that moment. then, i was like, 'shit what do i do next?'

..waktu itu, perasaan ini rase berat sgt. berat, seperti ingin terus menangis. menangis sampai lega and satisfied. tapi semua org ade threshold and limit for everything. i byk nangis hari tuh, since the hospital lagi. jd after i finished checking my blog, i dah mcm tak boleh nangis dah. BUT PERASAAN MASIH BERAT. rase mcm nak nangis lagi.. pelikkan? tapi i mmg macam tu. so, i decided i wanna watch my everlasting favourite japanese drama, that...

... never failed to make me cry so far,
... never failed to reach the deepest point of my heart and stay ther for hours or days, making me wondering about stuff,
... never failed to make me feel how lonely my life is sometimes,
... never failed to make me realize tht i actually havent found my man,
... never failed to make me think there would be somebody for me out there (despite the fact i dont believe in true love at all),
... never failed to make me feel grateful being healthy (and pretty! hiks! *kidding*)....
i thence decided to watch BEAUTIFUL LIFE, starring my boy ;) Takuya Kimura
(if he proposes to me, there is nothing in this world would stop me from saying Yes! hehe..) and Takako Tokiwa (bless her)..



i 100% recommend this drama to EVERYONE, especially boys.. why boys?! let me tell you why..

All boys out there, this drama represents what a girl wants. thats how we feel (even tho we are not necessarily dying like the character in that drama), but we do feel the same way. Just so you know boys, when a girl loves you, we totally mean it. we would give up everything for you. you would be the best thing in our lives. you would be our priority. that's why, to me, it's hard to love somebody. you dont want your loved one to be stolen away by other people. but at the same time, you dont want to look like a 'ridiculous-jealous-girlfriend' and at the same time you want him to be happy. it's hard hard hard...
..my boy ;)


a few favourite Quotes in the drama, that never failed to make me bursting out in tears...


'If there's a world after death, it could be in someone's heart...
You are in my heart, living in there forever...
Kyoko...did I...love you like I should have......?'~the boy(shuji)


'hey Shuji, this world was beautiful.
looking from the height of 100cm, the world was beautiful.
meeting you, these last few months, my life glittered as if sprinkled with stardust..'~the girl (Kyoko)

'her tears were still warm. and she was smiling. i tried very hard not to forget that smile, and let it stay forever in my mind, my heart, my eyes and my brain...'~shuji

'there's so much in my head i need to tell you boy, but i cant do it now, i just cant. i hope you know it by yourself. i'm sorry~kyoko

...YES BOYS, another thing, being a girl, we cant say so many stuffs directly to you. coz we are scared if they can embarrass us. but we do hope that you would understand. find a way to understand the hidden msg and needs we have. find a way to understand the hidden expectations we have on you. then if you find them, you will be the best boyfriend ever...

anyway, i dont wanna spoil it for you. find the drama and watch it. and boys, that is where a true girl speaks. do listen, not just with your eyes and ears, but do listen with your heart. thats what we want even more.

Some of the subtle details embedded in the drama that i thought were amazing

... Shuji's perception of the world, bending down to 100cm to see what Kyoko's world looked like..
... in the process, Shuji opens Kyoko's eyes to the idea that there's beauty in her kind of life too...
... the subtle reversal of feelings & emotions.....the feeling of helplessness between Shuji and Kyoko...although it's Kyoko that believes her disability a burden to Shuji, it's Shuji who ends up feeling helpless, wanting to let her walk, run, ride roller coasters, but he just can't. he feels bad because he cant do anything.....Shuji wants to be strong and not cry, yet Kyoko hears the sound of his heart crying.....
...the camera angles showing stairs, curbs, legs....especially when both Shuji & Kyoko went up on that play ride, Shuji swinging his legs freely & Kyoko's were still......
...dreams......Kyoko gives Shuji a Dream-Catcher, his dream of becoming a top stylist.....Shuji gives her the red shoes, Kyoko's dream of walking again....Shuji realizes the dream they both wanted......
...the color red....the red shoes....Kyoko's red car and the fact that she feels like anyone else when she's in it...the little red socks she gives to Sachi for the baby...Shuji often wears red, loving Kyoko "barrier free", treating her as he would if she were normal, wanting to be more than just a Christmas tree ornament in her life..
.. Even Kitagawa Eriko wrote in her novel that she "believed people had the strength (ability) to think that any sort of life is actually beautiful...it wasn't the length of a lifetime but rather what one did during that lifetime that mattered...that death was although scary, wasn't an exceptional event, it's something everyone has to face...."

...I guess Shuji & Kyoko's story of their "Beautiful Life" isn't the fact that they lived happily ever after...but the fact that they lived.... so do watch it, as it made me weeping like a baby the entire night, and i felt so much better waking up on Friday morning =)

'Unable to sleep tonight in the hospital, I write this...
how great this happiness with you is...
as if I'm not losing to this suffering now...I write this...

You saved this tiny life of mine...
I'm holding it in my hand...as if not letting it disappear...
holding on not letting it disappear & thinking about you...

I want to see more of you.....
want to hear your voice.....
want to be held by you.....
want to be loved by you.....
I want to love you......

My life is my very own...
the one that told me that...is you...

this...beautiful life...'
~Machida Kyoko
Luv~azzurri

7 comments:

alif-mikail said...

Thanks for the visit.. great one..

kadok said...

azzurri..there is no such real life like "beautiful life"..trust me..it just a drama..full of imagination..:)

NuRaNi HaZa said...

dear beautiful writer,
i like beautiful life too!to kadok,it is drama,but it is not just a drama.we are allowed to do a bit of imagination, just for the sake to make life a little bit colours =)

Ilene said...
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Ilene said...
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Ilene said...
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Ilene said...

Hi, I just wanna ask your permission, is it ok if i'd screen capture your "Beautiful Life" post? I really love how you went through the details of the story. I'm hoping to share it to my friends and followers too. :)