i dont wanna lose

Dear beautiful strangers,

hi sayang2 ku semua.. ape khabar kamu?!
how's weekend sayangs? (is 'sayangs' the plural version of 'sayang' in Malay?)
i want to apologize for not yet continuing my party story. i have exam next Friday, so now working hard and the fact that i am now attached to Emergency Room, it makes everything more hectic than usual, but i promise bile ader mase, i will defo continue ok, sayangs?

anyway, i was so upset on Saturday. yes it's because of Robert. tapi kan, i dun even know why i was upset, i dont think i like this guy in that way... really dont think so. but, that morning, around 11am, i was walking around the town looking for suitable cafe for me to study (i love to study in a cafe by the way)... on the way looking around for a cool cafe with my books (i looked so nerdy with my specs and all, didnt really dress up), i ran into Diana! she said hi, and stopped me.she went on and on and on about the fact tht she just finished doing her eye-brows in one shop, and they were sore, but they looked so pretty (ohh please..) and she was like, 'azzurri, are you okay? you look terrible..'

i felt like a slap in my face when she said that. buruk sangat ke i that time?! shit! or she just wanted to make me feel bad like she always did.. i dont know.

i then buggered off..

i then shockingly met Robert, walking with his cousin. to my suprise, when he saw me, he smiled and jumped on me and hugged me for quite long. he looked so delighted seeing me. i was worried if i looked really terrible and geeky that day, so i didnt really lengthen the conversation. malu kalau i memang buruk!

i then buggered off..

that night, i got a msg from him, asking me how my weekend had been. he then texted back saying this..

"...i spent all day with my cousin but i managed a couple of hours with Diana too...."

i sedih! i was jealous! i geram dgn perempuan tuh, tak tau kenapa?!
i then replied..

"..couple of hours with Diana? interesting! so when is your couple of hours with Azzurri?.."

and he didnt reply...!
i felt REALLY shite after that! did i actually sound inappropriate? coz i like to just act it cool but i was sad too. Diana managed to do that again, making me feel bad---- Diana did tell me her bad intention towards getting Robert, then dump him like she did to other guys and the fact that he could win this guy and not me----she said all these when she was drunk at my party (will tell u guys the detail in my next post abt the party)

i think i feel stupid for playing along with this
i think i feel stupid for being sad knowing they spent couple of hours together
i think i feel stupid for being equally competitive against Diana
should i just back off?
... but if i do, would she think that i've given up and lost?.. i taknak kalah jugak..
... tp memang mungkin i lebih buruk dr diana, and she's prettier than me kan?..entahla..
tp again,...i taknak kalah jugak.....