Sunday, 10 August 2008

..a fragile spot in my heart bled again..

Dear beautiful strangers,

i met him again, my ex in front of starbucks.
havent talked to him for months,
he was walking with another girl
he didnt even look at me
he just walked off
and i was immediately told tht his birthday party was going to be this weekend
and i am definitely not invited
so, this weekend, it's totally accurately a year sharp since we broke up
as we broke up on his birthday night last year
and since then we have never had a proper meeting and chat
..and today, after a while i havent thought about him, all the feelings and memories rushed in back into my head,
i am actually still bothered.
the fact that he has a new girlfriend already, i feel such a loser


what's wrong with me? why should i feel sad thinking about him?
i thought i have totally over this guy,
but he's one hell of a guy
he used to stay in the special place in my heart
now he had vanished,
and when he did, i kinda lost half of my heart. you, Mr A****H (J***Y) S***H..
just walk away, dont say goodbye,
dont turn around now
you may see me cry
i shouldnt fall apart and show my broken heart
or anything i still feel for you
just walk away, and close the door
let my life be as it was before
there's nothing left to say
just walk away....

may be i am not pretty enough, may be i'm not kind enough, may be i'm not smart enough or may be i didnt love enough. sometimes i dont know what a guy wants.

(i want to put his photo up here, but i decided not to, because if i do, everytime i open this blog, i will be seeing the face, the look, the body, the figure, the man that i have missed so much. i have closed the book with him, so i might as well just put 'the book' in a very secure little 'box' in my brain, lock it up and throw the key farfar away from me)

what do guys really want?- FYI, when i first started going out with this guy, i weighed 57kg, and he complained abt my 'overweight', i starved myself for 3 months, eating just carrots and nothing else, i lost almost 10kg, and i became 47 kg... i did that for other reasons. i travelled back and forth from milan to london back to edinburgh, back to milan (as i had a job in Milan that time), every single weekend for 3 months during my summer hols, to see him. i wore diff clothes evrytime i went out for dates with him, i dressed the best for him, i couldnt be any prettier than that just for this guy. i ordered a full gym set for him for his birthday present, organised a party for him, BUT on that birthday night, he got so drunk and kissed another girl he just knew?and i caught him doing that in his room, which i cleaned a few hours before!! do i deserve that? is it acceptable to blame it on the alcohol for that?

so boys. what do you actually want from a girl?



Marjerin said...

jangan percaya pada cinta. they all fake. they all loser. trust ur heart deary.

like me, i dont trust love. i just play with love. you want some. i get some. thats all.

why you need love if you at the end you will be broken heart.

living like a rockstar !!

taufik said...

sabar ye girl. dlm hidup nie tidak ada yang adil. So anggap le ia nya sebagai cabaran . One day u will find a right man.

azzurri said...

marjerin: 'you want some. i get some'.. haha, i like that marj. so naughty! ;) (i dont trust true love anymore. so broken hearted)

taufiq: firstly,thanks for reading my blog. yeap i know. its a huge challenge. really huge. i dont know if i can love again truly.

kadok said...

there is a saying.."give only half of ur heart" have u heard or read that azzuri?

azzurri said...

kadok: you know, skarang i dont even wanna give a quarter of my heart to anyone tau..! i dah merajuk dgn boys! hehe