stress..............

i'm stressed!

J*nny..........

Dear beautiful strangers

... hows everyone?
i sedang sibuk packing up to leave edinburgh and the UK temporarily- probably.
perasaan masih very fragile. i cant believe im leaving this place soon
things seem to be very anti-climax.

the graduation preparation
the graduation itself
the graduation celebrations
the graduation ball

sigh... entah lah, it is an ending, it will be a beginning too. and i am scared for both. i have been too complacent being in my comfort zome here, and a slight of change is scared to be able to break me. hopefully there wont be!

for the past month, i have been quite close to this good friend of mine, J*nny
comel. baik. innocent. bijak.
we went to the gym together.
went out for drinks together.
went out for meals together.
when he was busy with his work/exam, i was there cooking for him.
he came round to my flat, we had such great relaxing fun with a 3 course meal i cooked, and having the beatles songs as the background music of our dinner.
he opened up a bottle of wine
it went all perfect.

but.. two nights ago, i almost ruined it.
we went out for dinner at gourmet burger kitchen
and proceeded to Olorosso, for drinks at the rooftop, watching the sunset in Edinburgh.

i started with a glass of rose.
he started with a bottle of beer, manly!
and then we shared a bottle of white wine, which i drank 3/4 of it- in his defence he would have to drive me back and have an early morning in the theatre the next day- hence he had to take it easy... fair enough!
i got tipsy quite immediately-expectedly as i had a small sized burger for dinner, and the stomach had been empty since morning.
J*nny bought me another cocktails-i cant remember its name, but his favourite.
we shared a glass together-when i said 'shared', i meant he had 1/8th and i finished the rest...


...and the results:

I GOT TOTALLY DRUNK!
..and i am never cool when i'm drunk.

he told me he had to leave as it was already too late.
being drunk, i became too persuasive for him to stay.
i was soo vulnerable. i was too fragile to accept this drastic transition in my phase of life.
i needed somebody. n he happened to be there. but i acted it all stupidly.

again, he explained, he could not stay as he had to go back to D*nfermline tht night
i begged him to stay
i looked so upset when he said he couldnt.

... and Finally, i SUGGESTED TO FOLLOW HIM BACK TO D*NFERMLINE- which definitely would have been a horrific idea.

and he asked 'WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN D*NFERMLINE IF YOU FOLLOW ME BACK?'...looking unhappy due to my sleaziness.

..i said 'NOTHING-JUST HANG OUT'...(yeaaaaaahhhhhh right!)

he then said it wud be a good idea to send me back home. which he did. he drove me back home. i jumped off the car after giving him a hug, when he promised to call me the next day.
i was so devastated. n i cried by the side of the road when his car left.

i walked slowly home,and then went to bed straight away.

i woke up the next day feeling sooo awful about what i had done. i was so embarassed.
i didnt text him right away, due to my massive guilt. i texted him 2 days after-saying:

"J*nny, i am sorry for acting so ridiculous tht night. i was too drunk and vulnerable about leaving etc. i didnt mean anything nasty when i suggested to follow you back to D*nfermline. i hope this would not mess up our friendship. please reply to this text if you're not mad at me"

...he replied instantly (phew!), saying:

"dont worry, it's nothing. i totally undertstand. it's just water under the bridge :)"

..................................................i was still not entirely happy with that response. too short!

today we met, i acted nothing happened. and i gave him some of my notes and books for him to inherit once i leave. he looked and acted normal.

towards the end of the day with him, i apologized again. he said not to worry. i am going to have another leaving drinks for me with a few good friends this Monday night. i invited J*nny. he said he wud try to come bk from Dunfermline but he cudnt promise... which is fair enough.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,...................................................................the question now is:

SHOULD I WORRY ANYMORE? DO YOU THINK HE MEANT IT WHEN HE SAID NOT TO WORRY?
..boys, do you want to answer them for me. i just hope he wouldnt think of me as a slut ot anything similar. God forbid!

Azzurri

my big day-->my wedding day!

Dear beautiful readers

Apa kabar kamu? i am awesome!
While i am typing this,my mom is in the kitchen frying 'chikodok'-->whatever that is.
Yes, mom is here visiting me, so is my sister. and my mom has been cooking Malaysian food everyday. yum yum! so, as expected my appetite has been partying extravagantly.

tomorrow is my big day. my Graduation! (haha,...mesti ader yang tertipu! sorry Love, just messin w'ya) the day i am registered with the World/General Medical Council. wooohooo.... i hope tomorrow will go as perfectly as possible. i hope the weather will be all smashing and spectacular!

tonight i will be goin out to see T*sha, Al*son, S*rena, M*ke, J*nny and a few more for a wee celebration in Doctors Pub. probably tht will be the time to kiss some of them goodbyes. sob sob.

also.. to my lovely friends, ill be arriving in Malaysia on the 19th of July with my mom and sis. i sedang pujuk Kadok to fetch me from KLIA tapi as usual he seems reluctant :( terpaksa la i carik KLIA limousin.

ok la sayangs, my moms cooking dah ready. you take care. doakan i gembira tomorrow :)

Azzurri

TAKUT... NUMB!

Hi sayangs

Today i am going to try writing in Malay, which i think my ability has improved tremendously, thanks to my mom n the continuous malaynovels getting sent to my apartment-to pull me back to the root lah-whatever that means..

...hidup ni kadang2 datang dengan beberapa pilihan kan?
kita perlu buat pilihan, as kita tak boleh dapat semua
itu lah yang sedang aku hadapi sekarang
my contract of job in Edinburgh dah hampir tamat
only 3 weeks left.
18 july, tamat la my life in Edinburgh..sob sob

my feelings sekarang cukup mixed
sedih, excited, takut, rindu, sunyi, suspense, anxious, happy
..tak tau which one is more prominent?
and this mixture makes me numb.
i am just numb. tak tau nak fikir apa2 langsung

aku diberikan pilihan untuk kekal di UK, tetapi turun ke England for my next job
in North Yorkshire, near Leeds
i am soooooooooooo not familiar with the place
i dont know what is there for me to expect
yang aku tahu,i have to start it all over again
adapting to all the possiblities-kawan baru, accommodation baru, city baru, hospital baru etc.
...dan aku, secara jujurnya, takut untuk hadapi semua itu, berseorangan lagi...
kepada sesiapa yg mengenali aku, you should hv known, i've spent most of my life alone
aku independent dahcukup lama
even so, i am still scared to experience another cycle of this

my next choice is pulang ke Malaysia, walau ke mana sahaja i might be allocated
another place which i am sure i will not be familiar with
kalau KL, it's fine.. tetapi what happens if it's somewhere else
i am sure everywhere is nice in Malaysia
tapi mampukah aku cope with the new life? new culture? new people? new environment?
aku sekali lagi takut...
..yes, at least i will hav my family with me, but...does that not mean tht i am going to lose my freedom too?
.. i am numb again,,,

there's part of me trying to wander around looking for other possibilities,
i wanna work in somewhere TOTALLY new like...
..New York
Sydney OR
London...
but these places are just toooooooo hard to get in
also, wont i face the same dilemma too?

.. so,here i go again, at this junction
not knowing what to choose
too scared to take any risk
coz i am too fragile
too vulnerable
i have been acting tough for way too long in my life
..i am scared if once i break, i wont be able to gather myself anymore.

..ahhh scary life

Azzurri

i am a 'world-recognized' Doctor!

hey sayangs

i am sure its been aaaaaaaaaages! i am so so sorry
.....to the people who didnt know, i was extremely busy for the past months battling with my Final Exams and stuff... and thats why i kept it vanilla and quiet from everyone.

and today i got my results and i am Finally registered with General Medical Council, the doctors association recognized by the entire world. which effectively means i am recognized as a doctor everywhere in the world.. wooooop!! wooooop!!

i am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO chuffed! :) :) :)

Gosh, i have worked really hard for the past years to be recognized, and its all paid off today
my fears are totally lifted off my shoulders. i feel so relaxed now.

i can actually work anywhere in the world!!!!! so no pressure on placements and stuff like tht.
ok im gonna go out and celebrate. my boy is waiting ;)

thanks to all who knew and prayed for me.

Love
Azzurri

update on my life, hows that?

Dear beautiful strangers

hows everyone doing?
lama tak jumpe kan? i mean .. jumpe online!
i visit my blog everyday, tapi takde masa nak write down something.
busy la sayang..

hmm...
ape yer nak update you guys on.
first, i still havent decided whether to work in Leeds or KL.
i masih pening and stressed out over it.
if there's any Malaysian doctor reading my blog out there, can you please let me know how the posting allocation system works back in the country?
i have no idea
thanks in advance

love life?
well.. my life has been boring
i have a good close mate called joshua right now.
and there s nothing much to talk about him
he's well and fine

do you guys remember Dr C*rlo C*r*sa?
yes, he's back in my life
as a good friend
i have stopped all those hintings and flirtings.
how obvious could a girl be anyway?

well.. im going away for a holiday in Amsterdam on the 13th of march for a few days
i need a break
i need to do some fashion emergency shopping

also, i have gained 3 kilos since i got bk from KL
and still having no intention to lose any weight
like most of you have already known, i have stopped modelling temporarily,
to focus on my medical life
so no point of suffering to be skinny, right?

ape lagi yer nak update you guys on
...well, kalau ade ape2 nak tanyer, tanyer la kay.
i dah tak tau nak cerita ape.

hospital library nih pon dah makin empty, i tak balik lagi..

bye sayangs..

Azzurri

big decision

Dear beautiful strangers

hi!
how's everyone doin?
just so everyone know i am already back in the UK
working in the far hospital i worked before.

i am well thanks.
coming back from 3 months being in Malaysia is never a good thing
feeling sad leaving everyone back home

however when i was in malaysia
i missed everyone and my life here

what a weird feeling
what do i do?

to top it up, i have a huge decision to make
my job place in the future
near future actually
this july.

KL or Leeds UK?

........................

i dont know...

Azzurri

dengue fever..sigh

Dear beautiful strangers

... just a quick note to say
if ur wondering about my silence for a wee months
i am actually recovering from dengue fever
my entire family and i have caught the fever after we got back from Borneo
it's been a nightmare for everyone of us
even until now we r not totally cured, still rehydrating ourselves.
will get back to business once it's all over

Azzurri

my birthday is today!

Dear beautiful strangers,

Hope everyone is well. I am now in Damai Beach Resort Kuching, Sarawak with my entire family celebrating my birthday. Papa, mama, my aunt, my uncle, my bro, his fiancé, me and Joshua.

Yes, my birthday is today à 15 December! Without any year mentioned! Hehe..

Age??
Hehe… I am still sweet and young okay? Just put it that way…

So last night, around 12am, everyone came to my room and Joshua’s and gave me birthday kisses. Yeay! Then, my aunt came in with Cake Lapis S’wak, as my birthday cake. Unique huh? I found it exotic. And yummy.

Then I waited for all my family members to light off. Why? Joshua wanted to take me out for birthday drinks! Hehehe.. naughty me. Yes we went out to Blue Lagoon at Crowne Plaza Hotel, for refreshing birthday cocktails. Hmm .. so sweet of him.

Today we went to do massive shopping:
kain pua kumbu Sarawak
rattan craft Sarawak- baskets, shell curtains, mats, hats (for me of course!)
30 slices cake lapis Sarawak
Sarawak batik
Sarawak vasesà Five of them, large ones!
borneo pearlsà 800pounds worth! Crazy….!

…etc etc etc.

I don’t know how much I have spent today. But now looking at all these stuff, all the exhaustion seems worth it. One problem is in my head- how on earth am I going to bring these boxes back to KL? Haha.. good luck to us with the custom!

Tonight we are planning to go out for a birthday dinner w my family. Somewhere special, hopefully we can find a good posh restaurant (that I like) somewhere in Kuching.

Will update you guys soon. Cheerio…!

Azzurri

a life story.. not a lucky one.

SHORT STORY: A MONOLOGUE

It’s 2 am and I cant sleep. Recalling all the mistakes I have done lately. All the changes I have gone through. Not good ones. The ones I never liked. The ones which will never blend well with me. Me and to my very core. Why did I change? I don’t know. It wasn’t planned. It was just happening, and I’m going through the phase with mixed feelings; guilt, insecure, fear but yet I keep letting myself being abused in that way. Abused = the change I never liked!!!!

I feel even more ‘stupid and low’ realizing that in fact I ‘agreed’ with all those changes because I was in love. Was it really love? Again, I don’t know. I liked him (X). I really did. He resembled someone (Y) that I used to really really love. But Y has gone. Even though Y has come back to bug and beg, but to me, he’s dead so long time ago. Ages ago. He’s gone with the wind. He’s gone with all the hopes and dreams I had for us. He’s gone leaving a cut and pain, deep in me, which never healed, never scarred surprisingly until today. I closed my heart to anybody since then. Coz it’s been fooled. It’s been hurt. It’s been stigmatized, been black and white. I was left confused, been destitute. There was no way for another chance, or another story. Everything was impossible. At least, that was what I thought. But I was wrong. Very wrong.

I met X, a few months back. It was not like my first crush with Y, X was just a plain normal guy. He didn’t have that ‘wow’ factor whatsoever. I didn’t even notice him at the beginning. Maybe I was too superficial and that was my mistake. Days moved one, we became new friends. Until I realized, he actually reminded me of someone. Someone who was there for 4 years but disappeared instantly. X rang a bell in my head, the bell that should never ever been rung at all, ever. The way X talks, his walks, his jokes, laughs, even his moves were killing me. Wow?! I wonder what God really wants to show to me from this. I was not yet strong to oversee this, I was not yet healed to befriend a resemblance of someone I used to love. But I did. I did become X’s friend. He became my new friend.

Things went normal until he mentioned about him with his ex-girlfriend. A possibility for them to start ‘things’ up again. As a friend, shouldn’t I feel happy for him? But why wasn’t I? I was indeed feeling the opposite. That’s so weird, in fact bizarre. I took a whole day to answer the dilemma, and in the end I just couldn’t get away from the fact that I have already liked him. Surprisingly, unintentionally deep. Damn!

What is there not to like about him? He resembles my first love perfectly! And in addition he’s not a jerk like Y!!!! X is in fact wiser, more matured (believe me, too mature for his age- in a good way), more intelligent, not too vain (Y dressed much much better compared to me- not that I didn’t like that, but I always thought that Y’s way too good looking for me, I always felt inferior, and I HATE FEELING INFERIOR!! About anything!), X is just Y with all the extra points that are always lacking in Y. so what is there not to like about X?

I didn’t know why I was so open about it, I let X know about my dilemma. He took it surprisingly well, but as I have already expected, he didn’t fancy me. Yes, he did not. And yes, no one had ever said NO to me before. Not that I’m bragging, probably because this was the first time I approached someone (with Y, I was led into the relationship after a long long long persuasion) and hence, this turned out to be the first time someone said NO to me. I was not devastated, because I liked it that way, just friends, no pressure no nothing. And again, that was what I thought. And I was wrong. Again.

I liked him. I liked X. Everyday, I was excited to start my day because I knew I could see him. and it went on and on, and I didn’t realize that every single day, I was actually giving him the signal that I still liked him. I kept acting that we were more than normal friends. I didn’t realize it, because I in fact just did anything that could make me happy. He one day told me all these, and how uncomfortable he felt. Oh no, poor him and I didn’t realize it, at all.

Just to add to my problem, at the same time, Y appeared AGAIN after years, and started calling, texting, without me knowing what he really wanted. But surprisingly I wasn’t happy AT ALL about it, may be X has healed the pain inside me, and hence there was no space for Y to be in.
I was stressed out. Too stress. Cut to the chase: one day, I called X to apologize to him for how ridiculous I have been acting. He said, there’s nothing for me to apologize, and nothing for him to forgive. It was not a mistake, it was just me with my “OBSESSIVE” problem. Wow! I was horribly offended! Too offended to even be angry about it at that time. No one had ever ever made me feel low about myself but that day X DID! He said that the problem should be overcome and the way of doing it, was for us (me and X) not to become friends at all. He said I SHOULD LEAVE HIM ALONE IF I CARE ABOUT HIM. darn! I was embarrassed to my very core! Probably I always feel good about myself, but I think those words were too much for me to start having doubt in him. yes I cried so much, not because I could not be friends with him, but because I felt downgraded, which no one ever dared to do that to me, ever! But surprisingly, as far as I could remember, I was not angry at him at that time, I was in fact asking him to still consider me as a friend and lets do what other friends do, like hanging out, playing sports bla bla. And he firmly said NO. He hung up the phone.

Where did I do wrong? Did I deserve such treatment? May be I was wrong for liking him, but shouldn’t there be any other ways to extinguish that feeling, besides changing it to a HUGE HATRED?

I again realized I don’t hate him. I don’t think I will ever hate him; he had made such an extremely good first impression, superseding all those negative things or words he said afterwards.

I lived my life as normal as possible, trying to ignore about what happened. But everyday I saw X, I felt horrendous. I felt embarrassed, I could not even look at his eyes. I felt low, I felt inferior. I was indeed hurt by his words. And he never apologized and hence I felt even worse. I had this conflict inside me for months, but I acted well. I smiled, I laughed, I made jokes in front of my friends, in front of him, just to show that I was all well.

Just for the record, since that atrocious phonecall I had with X, he started to isolate me, get rid of me. Trying to cut me out of his life, at least it seemed like it. That helped to add up to my LOW self-esteem at that moment. Thanks to him. I felt disgusted of myself, and that became worse by days.

Until I realized I was too weak for such continuous abuse, days by days, there was no sign for my feeling to get better. I was so hurt, I felt insecure. I felt low and lower. I called my parents to let me leave this place ever. The place that brought me into connection with X. that’s the only way I could find to release myself from such pain.

I in fact LEFT! And I don’t even think that X cares much about it. How a tiny little person I am, in front of his eyes. I am now back home, feeling belonged and protected. Should I ever go back to that place, where I met X? if I should, what type of person should I be next? Do I ever have the strength to stand there again after this huge fall? I don’t know.

My feelings towards X now: I like him. of course. but I am not sure to what extent. He seems happy with his life, without realizing he’s changed me so much, my confidence, my dignity, my will-power, ALL altered, abused. He was probably right, if I care about him, I should leave him alone. This is in fact what I am doing because I do care about him. So much. I am not his friend anymore, may be now it’s due to our distance, but I have decided, he can’t be my friend because he’s right. We should not be friends. I don’t deserve his friendship. He’s way too honest in our friendship before compared to me. Everyday, I’m trying to erase him from my life. I hope it’s not going to be hard because we just met for months. Like he had said once to me: ‘it’s not hard coz it’s not like we were childhood friends before’. I have experienced a bigger downfall before and I’m sure I can make it through this one. My first task is to LET GO my feelings towards him, if there’s anything much left. I heard he is liking someone right now. Good for him. Maybe to him now, I am just a psycho. What more can I say.

I know I have never loved this way before
No one else has loved me more
With you I laughed and cried
I have lived and died
What I wouldn’t do, just to be with you

I know I must forget you to go on
I can’t hold back my tears too long
Though life won’t be the same
I have got to take the blame
And find the strength I need to let you go

Just walk away, just say goodbye
Don’t turn around now
You may see me cry
I musn’t fall apart
Or show my broken heart
Or the love I feel for you

There’ll never be a moment I regret
I love you since the day we met
For all the love you gave
And all the love we made
I know I have got to find the strength to say

So walk away
And close the door
And let my life be as it was before
I’ll never never know
Just how I’ll let you go
There’s nothing left to say
Just walk away.

Borneo..

Dear beautiful strangers,

i am sorry
i am in Labuan right now.
travelling in Borneo, whilst working at Queen Elizabeth Hospital
..so.. give me some time,
when it's all settled, i will be on track!

Azzurri

post full of Questions!

Dear beautiful strangers...

How have you been? thanks for the responses to my previous posts.

Yes, i will be going to Melaka! Here i come!

1. i am going to Putrajaya too on Sunday, any place i should check out over there?

btw, i just realised hosting isnt a piece of cake.
i am really tired just now, showing people around. it's not like i know so much anyway.
but yes, i just missed my own sweet time i have to myself.
the thing is, all my scottish friends need me to go everywhere.
we just need to do everything together.
and i am kinda stressed out on what the plans are every single day. to keep them entertained.
now i am tired.
and i m sure my family has been feeling a bit weird as i didnt spend as much time with them since i got back.
huh... i am sorry for feeling this way. but i am tired, physically and emotionally.

tonight hopefully i am going to karaoke and drinks. just to ease my emotions a lil bit.
this is fun, dont get me wrong. but it's been continuously bz and my time is occupied all the time.

anyway, the fans of Dr C*rlo C*resa, he emailed me yesterday *how shweeet*
he asked how my time had been spent in KL. he had not been going out so much, but the last time he went out was to a ball and to a Halloween Party where he dressed up as a baby and he said the ladies were loving it!

how do you think he wants me to react to that? for Goodness sake, cant he tell i like him, and is it appropriate to say such things to a girl who likes you? but too bad, im not gonna react in any ways. i am cool.

but yeap, i miss him tho. he is actually my longest crush ever. haha! so girls out there (or guys!) 2. when should i reply to that email? i need to play cool/hardtoget remember? so when's the earliest for me to reply to that?

p/s: i have already numbered TWO questions (in bold) in this post. so can you sweet readers help me answer to both? thank you huns.

Azzurri

help me decide!

Dear beautiful strangers..


Should i go to Pangkor Island or bring my Scottish friends travel around Malacca whilst visiting my new niece, Mia? please decide for me..

Pangkor: it's an island, further from KL, shud be nice BUT such a hassle to drive up to Lumut, will cost more and i have gone for a beach vacation anyway, so it could be redundant!

Melaka: nearer, cost less, dont have to drive much, can visit Mia at the same time, BUT not a beach, so probably wont be as scenic.

so which one guys?

Azzurri

new update!

Dear beautiful strangers

Hows my lovelies out there?
Sayangs, i am rreeeeaaallllyyyy sorry..
i thought Malaysia would be the start of me relaxing
but No no no.. Kuala Lumpur Hospital isnt a piece of cake!!
Busy.. busy.. busy..
Road traffic accident everywhere..
so sayang2 ku.. tolong lah... tolonglah drive or ride ur bike carefully
i wanna eat my lunch my dinner at proper times tau
sometimes i had to delay my meals because new cases came in!
kesian la kat i if you dont kesian at your own life!
hiks!

anyway
guess where i am now?
i am in Langkawi !
it has been amazing sayangs
i have done island hopping, swimming in the sea like no one's business,
eagle feeding
shark feeding
snorkelling
cruising
sunbathing..
now i think i look more malay, i wanna have a natural tan, not putting a fake tan all the time!
by the way, my feet got sun-burnt so badly. my back too. they have been really really sore.
i looked like a lobster at one point!

i wanted to come to langkawi to experience the authentic malay life
but i didnt get the chance
as i came with my scottish friends
we went to bars everynight and ran into so many white guys
so we ended up hanging out together
its been fun
tmr im gonna do road trip around langkawi
i'll be driving! so we'll see where we end up.

and also
i want to make an announcement to ALL MALAYSIANS who i might run into::::

I AM PART MALAY! NOT PURE WHITE OR CAUCASIAN!! SO STOP TALKING BAD OR BITCHING ABOUT ME IN FRONT OF ME, COZ I CAN UNDERSTAND YOU!!! :@
.....
....
....

anyway to anyone who's been following my on and off crush towards Dr C*rlo C*resa,
he came to my apartment on the last night before i left UK for Malaysia
the thing is, he'd been emailing and texting me a few days before.
but i replied to them a day before i left
that was when we ended up having coffeee at starbucks
and he said he wanted to come to mine that night
and he did
we watched a movie 'like heaven' starring Reese Witherspoon, whilst i was packing up,
had a bottle of wine, just the two of us, the moment was just spectacular!
and that's the progress for now.
nothing happened since then, coz i was off to Malaysia.

that's my update for now.
going back to KL tmr night,
and start working again the day after...

so sayangs....
love you

Azzurri

life is good!

Dear beautiful strangers

..pheeewwwww.....
.
.
.
that's the first thing i wanna say. it had been a very bz 16 weeks for me, now i am released
yesterday i sat for my Paediatrics Professional Exam, and we got the results on the same day,
because the resit would be today, in the morning..

yes it was scary
it was nerve-wrecking
you have no idea.
i couldnt even take a good nap after the exam yesterday while waiting for the results
so i went to the bank instead just to keep myself busy
there were so many stuffs to settle at the bank before i leave the country
it took me 2 hours to do everything at the bank
i came back home after that
took a shower
that was then A*vin called me to meet up for tea, at his place

i went to his place, had a good chat and catching up
my phone vibrated, a msg from Al*son

'the results are out, i did so badly'

.
.
.

and i knew she knew way better than i did
she was really smart
i had a mini-stroke
i was torn.
i didnt know if i shud check my results straight away
..but i thot i kinda had to
in a worst case scenario, i might have to resit today

so i went to check using A*vin's PC
and
.
.
.
.
'we are glad to tell you that you have achieved 85% in your Paediatrics Professional Examination. Congratulations!'

oh my God! that was a good news as i really thot the exam was such a murderer! i am really really glad. so glad.
i had been through a lot in this rotation.
i worked so hard (hence the rubbish blog. sorry)
and i think i deserve this.
Thank you God.

Remember i mentioned in my previous previous update, i had 3 good news to tell:

first: i got 96% for my Surgery Professional Exam, a month back
second: i was ranked in the first Quartile in the course!
and third: i have received my Mensa IQ Score Results, and i got 164! and now i am a member of Mensa!

ahh... i am so happy just now! like flying to the moon. everything is going great, despite the fact i still dont have a boyfriend. haha! but who cares. i love my career. and i love my life!

p/s: see you guys in KL soon-i.e. next week! :D

Azzurri

important entry!

Dear beautiful strangers

i am in the hospital library
checking my emails and blog..
tapi i cant concentrate!
i am extremely distracted!
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this guy sitting next to me is REEEEAAAALLLYYYY HOT!!!
who is he??! damn, ok i need to go.. to investigate.
ciow!

break!

Dear beautiful strangers

i am sorry. i am extremely ridiculously busy
i have exam next week. i am struggling now actually

the good news is- i'll be flying back to KL immediately after that
my schedule is actually still all over the place.
i will be spending a few nights in London after exam
then fly back to KL
and i may need to go to Sabah or Sydney after that,
-but that is still under discussion with my parents and the hospitals there.

however, the most important thing, ill be having a break for 3 months!
yes! i have not had holidays for the past 20 weeks.

ill talk to you soon right dearies
i have missed updating you guys with my pathetic stories.
we'll see. i hope i can squeeze in some time at any of the airports to update my blog
but i still love all of you :)


Azzurri

happy raya :D

Dear beautiful strangers

i am sorry for being rubbish updating my blog.
i was sent to a rural hospital for the past 3 weeks, and fasting at that time wasnt easy
penat, but yes. it's over alhamdulillah.

i hope it's not too late to wish all sayangs, happy raya!
Eid Mubarak :)
apology for anything bad i have said and done in my blog (azzureak, i am sorry if i hurt you in any ways)
i hope we can all continue being blog friends.

i ahve 3 good news to mention in my blog.
but i still wanna keep it for a special entry.
will let you know soon....................

today is the second eid day in here
i am now in the library working
i dont celebrate it
i have told my family, if i was not with my family, i would not celebrate it at all
so here i am, doing work.

but you guys have fun
remember me when you eat all those amazing food (i dunno the names of all this wonderful food served on hari raya in malaysia-- but i learnt a lot from your blog,captainhooked ;))


Love
Azzurri

i lost. for the second time.

Dear beautiful strangers

last Friday. fancy dinner. with my surgery group.
i organized it.
at the Kismot Restaurant. Indian food based.
great restaurant. you are allowed to bring wine and beer, which was important.
food was amazing.

the company? it was alright.
R*bert was there.............................and Di*na too.
i spent the whole day to look good.
went to do my hair at 12 noon.
did my nails alone.
chose my velvet white dress which enhanced my boobs.
and sprayed on my favourite perfume D&G The One.

R*bert came with Di*na.
i was fine with that. totally. even tho i knew Di*na was playing a game.
to hurt me.
Dinner was great, i mingled a lot. so didnt concentrate on Robert alone or anyone else in particular.
i was with everyone. coz i felt obliged to do so.
i have to say, Diana looked pretty that night.

we planned to go to LaMonde Pub after that, for drinks and hang out.
i invited Di*ana. She said No as she needed to meet up with 'someone' after that.
then i wanted to ask R*bert.
before i managed to open my mouth to ask him, Di*ana shook her head and gave a signal to R*bert not to go.

that was then Robert said....
...sorry azzurri, i promised Di*ana to walk her back..

entah la. i rasa Di*na selfish!
because its supposed to be a group fun
and i know she was meeting up with someone else later that night
and NOT with R*bert.

and R*bert being 'smart', was willing to jeopardize his own fun just to walk a girl back.
plain stupid.
jealous? yes i am. because he's kinda made his choice on who's winning between me n Di*na.

some of you might wonder about Dr C*rlo C*resa. i will write about him in the next update.
have been trying to run away from him because this is it between us. i am done.

p/s: before Di*ana and R*bert left, Di*na actually turned back and winked at me! yes! BITCH is the word you're looking for.

homesick

Dear beautiful strangers,

i am homesick.
rindu mama.
rindu papa.
rindu Mimi, my sister.
rindu Hilmi, my brother
rindu my cousins.
rindu my grandpa.
rindu my aunties, uncles.
rindu my nephews. Darius, Fabian
rindu home sweet home.
ah.. rindunya. i sedih.

ok. i nak sambung napping. it's NHS holiday here today. thank God.